SAN MATEO, California — Chained inside the secret dungeon beneath SIE headquarters, Xbox head Phil “The Spence” Spencer has been forced to reveal a truth more inconvenient than global warming. Spencer said players have allegedly been deceived into pronouncing his console’s name incorrectly since its 2001 launch:
“It’s actually cross box,” He whispered, trembling as a shadowy figure nudged a dagger more firmly into his back. “You’ve all been pronouncing it correc – ow! – wrong the whole time. Most gamers have come to know Microsoft for its technological prowess and celebration of diversity, so, I’m deeply sorry for not sharing this important bit of console history sooner. ”
“On that note, I’ve been playing our latest console, P-Project Scarlett, and I can finally reveal that it’s official name will be Xbox One Box X. Sorry! I meant to say cross-box-one-box-cross. I was talking to some guys at the office, and they really liked the palindrome idea. Hey, um…Jim? Can you let me go now? Please?”
Witnesses say a maniacal laugh was heard echoing across the bluestone before the shadowy figure disappeared, locking the iron door on its way out.
According to reports, Spencer eventually broke free from his shackles thanks to the help of a small monkey wearing a hat. He was last seen entering a cave in the desert at the prompt of an old beggar, who promised him a limited edition release of Tool’s new album if he successfully located and retrieved a magic lamp.
Written in the style of The Daily Mash, Hard Drive Mag and The Onion.
